Reimagining my future

Well I waited a long time.  I always assumed I would become a mother one day.  I couldn’t quite see it in my head but I figured one way or another I would be someone’s mum.

After my 11 year relationship with my high school sweetheart ended, I figured I would meet someone else and the family thing would happen.  It was a real shock to find out just how hard it was to meet the right type of guys.  By that I mean guys who were on the same page as me….who knew what they wanted out of life and were ready to make plans.  I did meet some great guys who probably would have wanted the same things as me but unfortunately the chemistry just wasn’t there.  You can’t force these things I guess.

In my early thirties I started thinking a lot about adoption.  I volunteered at an orphanage and it really hit me how many children really need someone to care for them.  Even after a few hours of holding and feeding these babies I started to feel like a bond was being created.  It was really the first time I could see clearly what it would be like to be a mum.

So for a while there I had an image in my head of adopting a child one day.  It was like my little back up plan.  If I didn’t meet the right guy I would adopt.  The more I looked in to adoption though, the more I came to realise that this would never be possible for me.

It was never important for me to have to carry a child to be a mother.  I would adopt in a heartbeat if I could.  However I am a single woman who lives in Queensland, Australia.  Currently only people in couples can apply to adopt a child in my state.

One day I met up with my best friend from high school.  She is blessed to have a large, happy family and when I met her she had her youngest with her.  He is such a content, healthy baby.  I mentioned to her how much I hope that one day I get to experience motherhood.  She looked at me really seriously and told me that if it were her she would go to a clinic and would have the doctors help her to have a child on her own.

Now what she suggested should not have really been a great revelation.  I had wanted to have a child for a long time and have thought about being a single mother through adoption.  I had never let the idea of having IVF as a single woman in though.

That night I went home and looked at a website about IVF.  I did a little quiz which delivered some shocking results to me.  Apparently as a healthy 38 year old I have only an 8% chance of having a child naturally. 8%????  I have lived a clean and relatively healthy life style my whole life so when I found out how low that figure was I was really shocked.  I knew the number would be low but 8%???

So that was the moment I let the idea of pursuing IVF as a single woman in.  It seems to me I have a small window of time to act to become a mother.  I know it will be hard but I’ve done a lot of soul searching and I know it is what I need to do.

So here I am.  Right at the beginning of the process to become a mother.  I’ve come here to share my journey with you for a few different reasons.  I’m hoping it will feel like writing in a journal which should be cathartic.  Also it would also be wonderful if other people reached out to share some of their knowledge with me.  Oh and maybe there are other people in my position who won’t feel as lonely reading my words and I can share some of the information I come across with them.   Finally, maybe one day this blog will serve as record of this time that I can share with my future daughter or son…I really hope so.

It’s a scary time.  I may or may not achieve my dream of being a mother after investing all my time, energy and money.  I feel I need to try though.